


I'm a Goner, You're a Ghost

by marsakat



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - The Ghost Of You Video, Character Death, First Time, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic, War, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:18:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsakat/pseuds/marsakat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe they would go to hell for being in love, but he didn’t want to think about that anymore.  At least they would be together.  Or maybe Tyler would now believe in reincarnation. Loving each other in each life they were given until they finally got it right.<br/>----<br/>From the post: "a concept: music video for the new version for goner. it’s a recreation of the ghost of you video from mcr" by joshler-squad on Tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm a Goner, You're a Ghost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [headfirstfrhalos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/headfirstfrhalos/gifts).



> One of my favorite videos of all time, reframed.

_I never_

_said I'd lie in wait forever_

_If I died_

_We'd be together_

_I can't always just forget her_

_But she could try_

 

Tyler doesn’t remember the exact moment he became aware of Joshua’s existence.  He was always there, one of the faces on the train platform as they said goodbye to their families.  Embracing their mothers and sisters, shaking the hands of their fathers, brothers; stating ‘I’ll make you proud’ and reassuring their fussing mothers that they wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks.  They, and everyone else there that day promised they’d write home every day until they were back home—the Germans licked and peace returned to the world. 

 

_I'm a goner_

_Somebody catch my breath_

_I'm a goner_

_Somebody catch my breath_

_I wanna be known by you_

_I wanna be known by you_

 

He was certainly on the train to basic training, and Tyler can remember seeing him during those weeks they were crawling through mud, running in all weather, and shooting at targets.  Early mornings awoken by the screaming of the drill sergeant, seemingly endless hours standing at attention, or cleaning the barracks, Tyler knew every face in his company.  He knew where everyone came from, and their strengths and weaknesses as some flourished while others floundered.  They talked about home in a detachedly longing way—but there were bullets and thousands of miles between them and returning.

 

They called Tyler ‘Scrappy’ because of his slim frame, but impressed by how sharp his aim was.  They also called him “Birdie’ because of his tendency to sing when mopping the floor.  There was also another name they called him for his high voice, but Tyler pretended not to hear it, because it was too accurate for the secrets he held. 

 

Joshua was fast—he was always the first to finish the obstacle course or run up the mountain and so he was branded ‘Quick’.  They also had a cruel name in reference to his eyes and their enemies on the other side of the world, but Tyler refused to use it.

 

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home, never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?_

 

They were molded into soldiers, any individuality was known only to the members of the platoon, for war was here and they were on a conveyor belt heading to fight.  They were reminded daily while being screamed at an endless stream of instructors that if they didn’t learn they would die.  They drank and laughed to forget when they were gifted a night of leave, dropping the weight of the future for those few hours.  They joked and poked fun at each other, when Tyler hid how he felt about the things they said.  After all, they were eighteen and young and healthy and it was 1944 and would have no idea what was waiting for them across the ocean.  Many of them wouldn’t make it to twenty-one, and the rest would bear scars internal and external for the rest of their lives.

 

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever ever_

 

It was on the ship over to England that Tyler fell for Joshua.  There was more time and nowhere to go, so they played endless card games with others and then Tyler would sing for everyone.  Joshua’s bunk was over Tyler’s and they would whisper to each other long after the time for lights out.  They had the shared history of growing up in the same region, and would talk wistfully of Ohio.  Everyone was always instructed to not make friends in the army, because of the very real risk of death and grief, but that is frankly impossible. 

 

_I've got two faces_

_Blurry's the one I'm not_

_I've got two faces_

_Blurry's the one I'm not_

_I need your help to_

_Take him out_

_I need your help to_

_Take him out_

 

Tyler had known his whole life that there was something wrong with him, with his head.  He’d had feelings that he knew were sins before, and he had mentioned it to a cousin who mentioned it to his parents and he found himself in a meeting at church to get him to repent and reform.  So Tyler tried to change his heart, and he thought it worked.  He had a sweetheart back home he wrote to, but it was Joshua’s laugh and arm around his shoulders that Tyler thought about when he was sinning in his bunk, heat building in his stomach and the air was full of the hushed grunts of others in their own fantasies.

 

There was even more training and preparations once they arrived in England for the inevitable invasion of the continent.  Tension was sharpening between the ranks and they were told to write their wills.  Tyler had visions of dying in a forest in Belgium, or upon a pile of rubble in a French town. He could see Joshua’s fear in perpetually bitten and bleeding lips and quick, anxious breaths as they crouched in a ditch during an evasion exercise in the countryside.  Tyler ached to soothe those lips and ease the worry in Joshua’s face.  All he was allowed to do was grip his shoulder and mutter “Let’s go, Quick,” and then they were silently running to the designated safe house.

 

The longing was gnawing at Tyler’s heart constantly, and acutely increased whenever Joshua was nearby, which was always.  It finally came to a head when a group from the platoon decided to go out to one of the local pubs, and there was boisterous talk of using the “services” that seemed to spring up whenever there was a gathering of armies.

 

Tyler drank and played darts with Joshua, while their friends slipped off to their rented inn rooms with a mix of local girls and painted women.  Tyler was comforted that Joshua didn’t seem interested in picking up a one-time lover even though they didn’t know how many chances they would have left to have the pleasure of another’s body.  Tyler could pretend Joshua just wanted to be there with him alone.

 

_Though I'm weak_

_And beaten down_

 

Maybe it was Tyler’s head, or the alcohol, but it felt like Joshua was touching him more than strictly necessary.  That he hung off his shoulder and kept patting his chest whenever Tyler said anything funny.

 

_I'll slip away_

_Into the sound_

 

“I think my room is occupied by Gorski, so can I bunk with you tonight?” Joshua asked, biting his lip again, when the hour was late and the barkeep looked ready to send them out.

 

“Sure,” Tyler tried to not sound so excited.  He was sick, he should be discharged dishonorably.  He was a sinner and Joshua was an angel.

 

He found himself being dragged up wooden stairs to the rented rooms, and then pressed up against the wall as another body passed them.  They watched the person leave, but Joshua didn’t move away from holding Tyler up.  When the echo slipped away, Josh turned his head to look into Tyler’s face.  Tyler fought any reaction to the closeness, wondering what Joshua was thinking.

 

He lifted a hand to Tyler’s face and looked between his eyes, “You should hate me, Tyler.”

 

“Never. You’re my best friend here,” Tyler whispered.

 

“I want to…Can I?”

 

“What?” Tyler was confused until Joshua closed the gap and pressed their lips together.  The stood like that for a few heartbeats, before Joshua pulled away forcefully.

 

“I shouldn’t have—I’m so sorry. I’ll go.”

 

“No!” Tyler exclaimed, grabbing Joshua’s arm to stop him leaving, “I—I feel the same.”

 

“But it’s wrong!”

 

“I know.”  And then a door opened and they separated quickly.  Two girls walked past, giggling, and they nodded at them.

 

“Let’s not have this conversation out here,” Tyler said, fumbling for the key.

 

_The ghost of you_

_Is close to me_

 

Joshua was silent when Tyler guided him into the room, and sat on the bed next to him.  Tyler stroked his cheek, gauging Joshua’s reaction.  Would he let him kiss him again?

 

They met in the middle and their hearts fell in sync, touches growing more frantic and daring.  Clothes were discarded and lips explored new skin.  Their hips rolled together and Joshua gasped softly in Tyler’s ear as he pushed Joshua down onto his back.  Tyler took them both in hand and Joshua threw his head back, eyes shutting in pleasure with Tyler’s strokes.  Tyler could see now why hell was so easy to fall to, with such a beautiful sight in front of him.

 

_I'm inside out_

_You're underneath_

 

And that night when they fell asleep in each other’s arms, Joshua peppered Tyler’s neck with soft presses of his broken lips. 

 

“If I die tomorrow, I don’t want to die knowing I didn’t tell you how I felt,” he whispered against Tyler’s skin.

 

_Don't let me be gone_

 

They next few weeks they snuck around base, hiding in between trucks and boxes to steal a few moments of closeness, of lips upon lips, breaths slipping between them.

 

There was a dance put on at the canteen by the USO, and the mood was somber—everyone knew that they would be shipped off across the channel to face their deaths soon.  Tyler and Joshua both swayed with different girls, but kept eye contact as the band played a slow ballad, a love song.  Tyler imagined a world where he could be holding Josh like this, and pretended they were there.

 

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?_

 

The invasion when it came started the night before, silently dropping troops behind enemy lines, and Joshua and Tyler were loaded into boats that brought them close to the bullets and explosions on a beach called Omaha.  They were weighed down with nearly a hundred pounds of gear, and prayers to any god that would accept their sinners’ requests to make it through this terrible day.  Tyler gripped his gun, and locked eyes with Joshua, who nodded and mouthed “I love you.”

 

The DD tank barreled through the water in the morning light, and chaos erupted far before the door dropped and they pushed through the tide.  Blood turned the water red and bullets made splashes like raindrops.  Tyler could see bodies floating in the water, on the beach, while death rained from the white chalk cliffs and shore. Tyler prayed to make cover, and he huddled under an outcropping with some of the same men he trained with all those months ago.  He knew he should keep focused on staying alive, but he scanned the beach looking for Joshua.

 

_If I fall_

_If I fall_

_Down…_

 

And he saw him running up the beach toward him, and everything went silent.  Tyler didn’t hear the machine gun rattle that hit Joshua in the chest, and he didn’t hear his own screams as Joshua spun and fell.  Hands held Tyler down, tying him to this life he no longer wanted to live—he wanted to be next to Joshua breathing his last breaths in tandem with his secret love.  He was ready to die now, as Joshua’s blood seeped from beneath bandages being pressed by the medic, staining the earth forever.  Tyler’s heart shattered as the medic shook his head, and moved away, leaving the body to grow cold and alone.

 

_Don’t let me be_

 

Tyler felt Joshua’s soul leave, and any trace of faith he had left in any god.  Maybe there was a heaven and hell.  Maybe they would go to hell for being in love, but he didn’t want to think about that anymore.  At least they would be together.  Or maybe Tyler would now believe in reincarnation. Loving each other in each life they were given until they finally got it right.

 

_I'm a goner_

_Somebody catch my breath_

_I'm a goner_

_Somebody catch my breath_

_I wanna be known by you_

_I wanna be known by you_

 

But for now there was gunfire in his ears, explosions and screams of death as other loved ones departed forever, potential all gone.  Maybe Tyler would make it through.  Maybe he would marry his hometown sweetheart, naming their firstborn after the ‘friend’ he lost in the war.  Maybe he would die later that day, or within the next year of war in snow or a city far away from home.  Either way, his heart had died on that beach to the beat of a machine gun.

 

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna…_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love learning about WW2 and I had a great time writing this for headfirstfrhalos (joshler-squad). It also broke my heart to write this and not have a happy ending, so we'll just pretend reincarnation does work and they lived happily ever after the end.  
> I'm shivermepickles or teeentyonepilots on tumblr. Come say hey!


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